Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
