u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
