Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
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