we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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