hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Randomize
