Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
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