She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
