Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
