I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
