I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
