He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
