i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
We just shotgunned beers for America
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
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