somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
