I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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