I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
