he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
