So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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