the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
