We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
