I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
