i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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