we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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