how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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