I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
