We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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