Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
