I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
