Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
