my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Randomize
