Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
