I don't usually arrange sex via text message
wat bout pragnant strippers??
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
