So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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