how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
