I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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