I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
