why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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