omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize