who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i think i have herpe
just one?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
