dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
