you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Enjoy the penises
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
