ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize