imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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