birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
