Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
