Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
