I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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