dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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