Having a random hookup so left but love u
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
