It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
