you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I need to calm my uterus...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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