38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
