There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
