I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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