I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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