FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
