i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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