That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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