She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I think my nap took me to another dimension
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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