just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
they're like a gay fantastic four
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
My vagina just clenched in fear
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
