Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
