If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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