Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
