At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize